Ninety-Five, Eighty-Four, Zero Zero, Ninety-One.
- Ash Tonee
- Apr 11
- 9 min read
The rain outside Sera's sleek Queen Anne penthouse mirrored the low hum of tension in the room. Floor-to-ceiling windows offered a glittering panorama of the Seattle skyline, but the four women gathered around the marble coffee table seemed more focused on the half-empty bottle of expensive Pinot Noir.

"So," Indie began, her voice a familiar husky drawl even without a camera on her, swirling the wine in her glass. "Lena, spill. What did he actually say?"
Lena, perched on the edge of the plush velvet sofa, sighed, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. At 25, she carried a quiet confidence that belied her age. "He said… he felt suffocated. That my 'need for analysis' was killing the 0spontaneity."
Sera, ever the picture of composed elegance in a silk jumpsuit, winced. "Ouch. That's… direct." She reached for a delicate water biscuit, her perfectly manicured nails glinting. "But, Lena darling, we all know you diagnose the barista before you order your oat latte."
Rhi, sprawled on a floor cushion with her guitar resting beside her, strummed a dissonant chord. "Maybe he just wanted someone to be with him, not dissect him like a lab frog." Her gaze, sharp and knowing, flickered between Lena and the others.
Lena’s jaw tightened slightly. "That's unfair. I was trying to understand him. To create a healthy dynamic."
"Understanding someone and constantly interpreting their every sigh are two different galaxies, love," Indie countered, her Sagittarian bluntness cutting through the polite air. "Trust me, I've been psychoanalyzed by enough 배우 (actors) to last a lifetime." She took a long sip of wine. "Sometimes, people just want you to listen without offering a five-step plan to emotional wellness."
Sera nodded in agreement. "Indie's right. Remember when Mark accused me of 'curating' our entire relationship? Apparently, my mood boards for our anniversary trip were 'emotionally stifling.'" She rolled her eyes, a hint of vulnerability flickering in her usually composed expression. "Men. They say they want effort, then they run when you provide it."
Rhi chuckled, a low, melodic sound. "It's the paradox of wanting someone to care but feeling overwhelmed when they actually do. My last muse told me my lyrics were 'too intense,' like feeling emotions was a goddamn crime." She picked at a loose thread on her vintage band tee. "They want surface-level connection but crave depth when they're lonely at 3 AM."
Lena frowned, considering their points. "But isn't understanding the root of connection? If I can identify unhealthy patterns…"
"There's a time and a place, Dr. Hanson," Indie interjected gently. "Sometimes, you just need to let the messy human-ness of it all exist. Feel the frustration, the joy, the awkward silences without immediately needing to categorize and solve it."
Sera leaned forward, her usual social polish softening. "Think of it like a perfectly arranged bouquet, Lena. Sometimes, a few wild, unexpected blooms make it more beautiful, even if they don't fit the color scheme."
The conversation shifted, flowing into shared anecdotes of dating disasters and the complexities of navigating intimacy in their demanding lives. Indie recounted a story of a disastrous premiere after-party where a date mistook her method acting for genuine distress. Sera confessed to meticulously planning every detail of a potential suitor's introduction to her influential mother, only for him to spill red wine down her mother's priceless vintage gown. Rhi shared the challenges of writing authentically vulnerable music while maintaining a public persona.
Lena listened intently, her analytical mind still working, but a flicker of understanding softened her gaze. "So, it's about… balance? Knowing when to analyze and when to just… be?"
Indie grinned, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Bingo. It's like acting – you research the hell out of your character, but when the camera rolls, you have to let go and just be the character."
Rhi strummed a more harmonious chord on her guitar. "Yeah, and sometimes the most profound lyrics come from just feeling the damn feeling, not trying to intellectualize it into a perfect metaphor."
Sera raised her wine glass. "To the messy, imperfect, utterly human experience of trying to connect."
The others clinked their glasses against hers. The rain outside continued its steady rhythm, but inside the penthouse, a fragile understanding had begun to bloom – the recognition that even the most successful, intelligent women grapple with the universal complexities of love, connection, and simply being seen for who they truly are, flaws and all. The Seattle skyline glittered on, a silent witness to their shared vulnerabilities and the enduring strength of their unlikely bond.
The fragile warmth of their shared vulnerability hung in the air for a moment after their toast. Lena, for the first time that evening, allowed a genuine, albeit small, smile to touch her lips.
"You guys," she said softly, the analytical edge in her voice softened by a wave of affection. "I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes."
Indie, ever the hugger, leaned over and squeezed Lena's shoulder. "That's what we're here for, Doc. To remind you that even the brilliant minds need a little messy human connection now and then."
Sera, her usual composure fully restored, gracefully rose. "Well, speaking of messy human connection, I've heard The Velvet Underground is having a rather… unfiltered open mic night. Anyone brave enough for a change of scenery?" A mischievous glint sparkled in her eyes.
Rhi, who had been quietly observing the shift in Lena's demeanor, smirked. "You? Trading your usual curated soirées for a dive bar? What's the occasion, Sera?"
Sera shrugged, a playful smile on her face. "Consider it… embracing the unpredictable. Besides," she winked, "I hear the people-watching is unparalleled."
Indie, ever the adventurer, was immediately on board. "Velvet Underground? I haven't been there since… well, let's just say before my first blockbuster. Count me in for some authentic Seattle grit."
Lena hesitated. The thought of a crowded, noisy bar felt like sensory overload after the emotional intensity of their conversation. But the genuine invitation in her friends' eyes, and a tiny rebellious spark ignited by their earlier discussion, nudged her. "Okay," she said, surprising herself. "Let's do it. A little… sociological fieldwork."
Rhi chuckled, grabbing her guitar case. "Lead the way, social butterfly."
The Velvet Underground - Belltown (Later)

The Velvet Underground was a sensory assault – a potent mix of spilled beer, cheap perfume, and the raw energy of a band struggling through a blues riff. Sera, surprisingly, seemed to be thriving, navigating the crowded space with an almost anthropological curiosity. Indie was already chatting animatedly with a tattooed bartender, her laughter cutting through the din. Rhi had claimed a corner booth, observing the scene with her usual detached intensity.
Lena, however, felt a familiar knot of anxiety tightening in her chest. The lack of order, the unpredictable interactions – it all felt… overwhelming. She clung to a half-empty glass of water, her eyes darting around the room, subconsciously cataloging every interaction.
Suddenly, her phone buzzed insistently. She pulled it out, her brow furrowing at the unfamiliar number. Hesitantly, she answered.
"Hello?"
The voice on the other end was frantic, tinged with panic. "Dr. Hanson? Is this Dr. Lena Hanson?"
"Yes, speaking." Lena's professional demeanor clicked into place, a shield against the rising unease.
"Dr. Hanson, this is the emergency room at Seattle General. We have a patient here… Mark Olsen? You're listed as his emergency contact."
Lena's breath hitched. Mark. Her Mark. The one who had just broken up with her for the fourth time.
"What happened?" she managed, her voice barely a whisper over the bar noise.
"He was in a skiing accident up at Snoqualmie Pass. Multiple fractures, possible head trauma. We need you here."
The noise of the bar seemed to fade away. The faces of her friends blurred in her peripheral vision. Despite the recent sting of his latest departure, a primal wave of fear and concern washed over her. Mark. Hurt. Alone.
"I… I'll be right there," she stammered, disconnecting the call with a trembling hand.
Sera, sensing the shift in Lena's demeanor, rushed over, her usual lightheartedness gone. "Lena? What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Lena’s voice was tight, her carefully constructed composure crumbling. "It's Mark. He… he's been in an accident. A bad one. They need me at the hospital."
Indie’s hand flew to her mouth, her earlier jovial mood instantly evaporating. "Oh my god, Lena."
Rhi pushed herself out of the booth, her expression uncharacteristically soft with concern. "We'll go with you."
Lena shook her head, a conflicted look on her face. "No… no, you don't have to. It's… complicated."
But even as she spoke the words, the ingrained reflex, the years of being Mark's constant in times of crisis, took over. Despite the recent hurt, despite the logical part of her brain screaming caution, the flight or fight response kicked in. This time, it wasn't about protecting herself from emotional pain; it was about rushing towards someone in need, someone she had loved deeply for so long.
"I have to go," she said, her voice firm despite the tremor in her hands. "He… he needs me."
And with that, Dr. Lena Hanson, the woman who analyzed emotions for a living but often struggled to navigate her own, turned and hurried out of the pulsating chaos of the Velvet Underground, leaving her friends to follow, their impromptu night of embracing the unpredictable taking a stark and unexpected turn.
Lena burst through the automatic doors of the Seattle General emergency room, the sterile smell of antiseptic and the hushed, urgent tones of the staff hitting her with a sense of grim efficiency. The controlled chaos, while unsettling, triggered a different kind of response in her – a need to assess the situation, to understand the protocols, to find a practical course of action.
"Mark Olsen?" she asked, her voice surprisingly steady despite the underlying tremor, approaching the nearest nurse station. The young nurse, her face etched with fatigue, glanced up from a chart.
"Relationship?" she asked, her tone brisk.
Lena hesitated for only a fraction of a second. "I'm his emergency contact. A long-term… associate with a significant history." The "ex-girlfriend" felt unprofessional, irrelevant to the task at hand.
The nurse nodded, pointing towards a waiting area. "He's still being assessed. You can wait over there. Family only beyond the triage doors for now."
Lena sat on the hard plastic chair, her posture ramrod straight despite the turmoil within. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, and she focused on the steady rhythm of her own breathing, a grounding technique she often recommended to her patients. Her mind, though anxious, was already trying to gather information, to anticipate the logistical challenges ahead.
Their college years flashed through her mind, filtered through her inherent sense of responsibility and commitment. Mark, a year ahead, a driven sophomore whose intense focus had both challenged and intrigued her. She, with her natural sensitivity and a tendency towards thoughtful analysis, had been drawn to his raw ambition and the fiercely independent spirit she sensed beneath his sometimes aloof exterior.
She remembered their first real connection, a difficult organic chemistry lab. Mark, usually so self-assured and goal-oriented, had been visibly frustrated. Lena, meticulous and disciplined in her approach, had calmly helped him troubleshoot the experiment, her quiet competence a steady anchor in his momentary storm. It was a moment of shared purpose, a practical problem solved together, that had laid the foundation for their bond.
Growing up with a negligent mother had instilled in Lena a fierce independence and a deep-seated need to be reliable. She had learned early on that dependability was paramount. Mark, who had navigated the impersonal foster care system, had responded to her unwavering support and loyalty with a fierce protectiveness of his own. Their love, though often complicated by his need for uninterrupted concentration and her tendency to examine and understand every emotional nuance, was rooted in a deep mutual respect and a shared history.
Paul, Mark's roommate, possessed a boisterous, freedom-loving spirit and brought a chaotic warmth into Mark's life that Lena, with her more reserved and structured nature, sometimes struggled to emulate. Paul's unconventional approach to relationships was a constant source of bemusement for Lena, highlighting their fundamental differences in how they navigated the world. Yet, Lena recognized the genuine brotherly bond between them and understood why Mark valued Paul's easygoing and optimistic nature. However, when it came to serious matters, Lena's inherent sense of duty and practicality had always made her the more logical emergency contact.
A wave of self-reproach washed over Lena. Had her deeply ingrained need to understand and categorize emotions, her tendency to over-analyze interpersonal dynamics, inadvertently created distance with Mark? Had her attempts to build a stable and predictable foundation for their relationship clashed with his more independent and achievement-driven nature? The irony stung – the psychiatrist dedicated to understanding the human psyche sometimes felt utterly lost in the complexities of her own heart.
A doctor, his face grim, emerged from behind the triage doors and called out, "Family of Mark Olsen?"
Lena stood up immediately, her posture betraying none of the anxiety churning within. "That's me. I'm his emergency contact." Her tone was direct and conveyed a quiet authority.
The doctor's gaze was serious. "He's stable for now, but it was a significant trauma. We need to talk."

To Be Continued...
This story is very beautiful. I wish I could live it.