Their Fun with My Kid: The Green-Eyed Monster

Hey Viva Fam,

We talk a lot about mom guilt. The endless list of "should haves" and "could haves" that swirl in our minds. But there's another sneaky emotion that often goes unacknowledged in the parenting world: mom envy.

It's that little pang you feel when you see another parent having a seemingly effortless, purely joyful interaction with your child – a moment you, as the primary disciplinarian and caretaker, rarely get to witness firsthand.

Think about it. You're the one navigating tantrums, enforcing bedtime routines, making sure homework gets done, and generally laying down the law. You're the architect of their structure and security, the one who often has to say "no." And while you know these roles are vital, it can sting when you see someone else swoop in and experience the unadulterated fun, the easy laughter, the moments of pure, uncomplicated connection.

The Sneaky Ways Mom Envy Creeps In:

• The Playdate Scenario: You watch another parent effortlessly engage in imaginative play with your child, giggling and building elaborate Lego castles, while your usual interactions revolve around reminding them to share or clean up.

• The Grandparent Visit: Grandma gets all the cuddles and enthusiastic stories, while you're still dealing with the aftermath of a morning meltdown before they arrived.

• The Other Parent's "Fun" Time: Maybe your partner gets to be the "fun parent" because their time with the kids is less focused on the daily grind and more on spontaneous adventures.

• Social Media Snippets: Those perfectly filtered photos of other families having idyllic outings can sometimes trigger a twinge of "I wish that was our dynamic all the time."

Why Does This Happen?

It boils down to the different roles we play in our children's lives. The disciplinarian and caretaker often bear the weight of responsibility for structure and boundaries. These are acts of love, but they don't always translate into those picture-perfect, lighthearted moments.

When you're constantly navigating the "have-tos," you might feel like you're missing out on the "want-tos" – the pure, unadulterated joy of simply being with your child without the need for correction or guidance.

It's Not About Love, It's About Perspective:

It's crucial to remember that this feeling of envy doesn't mean you love your child any less, or that the other person loves them more. It's about the different facets of your relationships and the different lenses through which you experience your children.

The person having that seemingly effortless fun might not be privy to the daily struggles, the emotional labor, and the constant decision-making that comes with being the primary caretaker. Their interactions might be snapshots in time, not the full picture of their dynamic.

Navigating the Green-Eyed Monster:

So, how do you cope with this feeling?

• Acknowledge It: The first step is recognizing and naming the emotion. It's okay to feel a little envious. It doesn't make you a bad parent.

• Shift Your Perspective: Remind yourself that your role is essential. You are providing the foundation for your child's growth and well-being. Discipline and care are acts of love.

• Carve Out "Fun" Time: Consciously schedule moments for pure, unadulterated fun with your kids, even if it's just for 15 minutes a day. Let go of the rules and just enjoy being present.

• Communicate: Talk to your partner or other caregivers about your feelings. Perhaps you can find ways to share some of the disciplinary responsibilities or intentionally create more lighthearted moments together.

• Celebrate Your Own Moments: Recognize and appreciate the unique bond you share with your child, even in the midst of the everyday routines. The quiet cuddles, the inside jokes, the moments of trust – these are just as valuable.

• Remember It's a Snapshot: What you see is often just a fleeting glimpse. Don't compare your entire reality to someone else's highlight reel.

Mom envy is a quiet struggle, but it's a real one. By acknowledging it and shifting our perspective, we can learn to appreciate the unique and indispensable role we play in our children's lives, even if it doesn't always look like the picture-perfect moments we sometimes see from the outside. You are building a strong foundation of love and security, and that is something truly invaluable.

Have you ever experienced "mom envy"? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!